Inside my own insanity.

As a Christian, and a fallible human being, having faith in the absence of any improvement in my circumstances is hard. Sometimes I don't know what on earth I'm doing daring to be optomistic. My world is at a standstill. I am waiting for…Something. SOMETHING to happen to me.

I want to take action to improve my situation. But I have seen signs and felt feelings. Feelings that have led me to believe that if I act now, I would be doing so out of frustration. And really, what good does that do? Who does that benefit? Desperate decisions often lead to disappointing results.

And then I feel ashamed for being anxious. So very, very ashamed. I am selfish.

For I have my health and strength. I have a roof over my head.

Yet I am despised for being myself and for loving the way the Lord created me.