Flying Blind – An epiphany

How appalling to wake up so late!! (At 30. Heh. Only a third of my life is gone.)

I am going to confess something. Beneath my otherwise happy exterior happiness that most people see, I have been living angrily. Resentful of my circumstances. It is only now that it has come to me that this time and place is exactly where God wants me to be.

My anxiousness and anger have been an insult to the Lord. I hope and pray that in time he will forgive me.

I was born and raised in a small town. However, from the time I was a teenager, I convinced myself that I would fare better elsewhere. I couldn't possibly find happiness in a place so (presumably) boring.

Yet what have I done to make my time here worthwhile?

Sadly, absolutely nothing.

This hit me last night after I wrote in my prayer journal. There's an emptiness that I've been feeling. And now more than ever, I'm convinced that it comes from my not being as involved as I could or should be.

Do you know what my new goal is for the future? Do you know what I dream of?

"Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. " — Philippians 4:11-12, NLT (emphasis added)

I want to live as Paul does. Satisfied with whatever God gives me.

I have been flying blind–living in one dimension, instead of aiming for the fullness that God promises. This is what I have decided:

I need to stop trying to forcibly remove myself from my circumstances. Certainly, at least, regarding far off distances. If you are a stranger, you might not know that I have lusted after Toronto. For years, I've convinced myself that my destiny would be found in Toronto, and Toronto only. That I must live there to be happy. That I would find everything I need to survive over there. (Are you sensing a pattern?) God forbid I should find fulfillment here. When I think of the number of times I have tried to move myself to the Big Bad City, it's quite pitiful. I won't deny that it's home to many resources that I would love to explore. Yet all along, I've had to drag myself back home. It's only now that I've come to realize that God has been saying, "No, my child. No." Lately, I've been trying to run even further–checking out overseas teaching opportunities. But quick getaways won't teach me what Jesus wants me to learn.

Last night I had a thought about my future. What if small town living really is my destiny? What if I am to die here?

Then I shall live boldly. Freely. As the Lord intended me to. Wherever he wants me to be.

Undie Wars

It had to happen.  Once, in passing I compared La Senza to Victoria's Secret.  At the very least, their campaigns are similar. Lots of skin, satin, busty models with come-hither glances…

 As the old commercial used to say, "I don't see a difference. Do you see a difference?"

Not that I'm nocking my countrymen and their lingerie. But there has been a sufficient amount of overlap in their product lines. It seemed to me like the suit was just a matter of time.

My only surprise? That Victoria hasn't whipped out her credit card and bought La Senza once and for all.

Olympic Thoughts

Watching the closing of the Torino/Turin 2006 Games. Canada’s hosting the 2010 Winter Games (Woohoo!). And now…A question:

Why was Avril* doing an impression of Alanis?

You’d have to have heard her to know what I mean.

*Better yet, why does Google state that Avril’s official URL is www.garbage.com? It’s true. I typed “Avril Lavigne”, and that’s the first link that appeared. By the time you read this, I hope they will have fixed the problem.

Today I visited La Senza.

Online, at least.

For those not in the know, I suppose they're Canada's answer to Victoria's Secret.

I must've been away too long. I was surprised to see some new categories–they have a bra lounge and a panty bar.

Back in Toronto, there is/was a club called the G Spot.

*scratches head*

I wonder which came first. 😉

The “Boy, I hope you SUFFER” Song.

Courtesy of Kathleen Edwards.

Some of the best parts of “Back to Me”:

I got ways to make you crazy
Wear all the things you always wanted me to
I got ways to make you run
And my Daddy’s coming for you…

I got ways to make you hear me
Just by whispering your name
I got ways to make you think
You’ll never be happy again.

Great guitar, and as mean as they may seem….Clever lyrics. And its rock, and it’s country, and its just…Right.

Watch the video if you have time.

I’m tellin’ you right now. Someday I’m gonna sing BTM to a man.

That I hate. 😉